“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star” Nietzsche
The Wheel of Fortune represents the forces of change in our lives. The Goddess pictured on this card is Fortuna – the Roman Goddess of luck. She gives and she takes away, with little concern for our happiness or our suffering. She represents the changing fortunes of our unpredictable lives as well as the wisdom to step back and let the wheel turn as she may. Fortuna appears when we are experiencing a turbulent vortex of chaos in our lives- one that literally knocks us sideways. She reminds us to be blind (see, her blindfold – and topless, too evidently!) to the ups and downs of the wheel – because it will always be turning. Detachment and perspective are the lessons here.
Without acknowledging our own inner chaos, we cannot truly express our unique selves.
I believe that this chaos within that Nietzsche speaks of is is created from deep, inner questioning of consensus reality. It is the part of us that is open to change and the part of us that burns to evolve, to maximize our experience of life, to express our wildest potential. The chaotic feeling arises when we are being called to compromise our wild self and conform to prevailing culture or to controlling individuals. It is like a little protester inside saying HELL NO! WE WONT GO! The chaos is a sign that there is unrest within the system. This is not a bad thing, it’s the voice of the unique self rumbling in the collective. We all have it, but most of us do not know how to turn this nervous energy into power.
The chaos we feel inside can be too uncomfortable to bear. We distract or numb ourselves so we don’t have to feel it. We convince ourselves that our feelings are irrational. We conform. We please the right people. We try to kill off the inner chaos, because it threatens our ability to feel safe. But it is the piece of us that is most open to change, and most capable of getting us through change. And we are terrified of that.
Most of us have habitually contained the wild one within in exchange for the illusion of security.
Most of us attempt to conform. Some of us succeed, many of us fail. Conforming has its costs – we are killing off this wild one within. This is the chaos, the unique, star producing element within each of us. We kill it off because it threatens our ability to conform and to be safe.
As the wild, chaotic self comes into contact with a disapproving and controlling world, negative feelings are stirred up. This chaos within is, by nature, uncomfortable and painful. We believe that if we could only wrestle ourselves into conforming to the narrow requirements of conventional society, then we wouldn’t have to feel the pain of the chaos.
The chaos can be poison or it can be medicine. Because the chaos can be painful, our reaction to it is to try to change it or make it go away. But this chaos is also our life force. If it can be befriended, it is a powerful ally. The medicine side of the chaos is that it holds our animal instinct and our innate intuition. If we can allow the chaos to exist, without trying to control or change it, then it promises to show us powers that will greatly enhance our lives.
How can we get from chaos poison to chaos medicine?
We must go within. If we ride the Wheel of Fortune at the outer edges, it will be a wild ride – flying high when we are at the top of the ride, and getting crushed under the wheel as it inevitably spins forward. This is the unconscious way – and it guarantees us a load of suffering. If we can be more centered and visualize moving towards the center of the wheel, we can experience less turbulence, more peace. Going within, we can see the perfection in the chaos and the divine nature of all circumstances. This is not easy. This requires going within, guys. Quiet time. Alone. Contemplation. Meditation. Mindfulness. Daily. It’s the only way to befriend the chaos.
The Wheel of Fortune comes to say – where is the chaos within you? Are you willing to feel it?
Where is the part of you that welcomes change and can accept the painful experience of birthing a new, more expanded reality?
Where is your inner wild child who has been holding on for safety, for ego, for the desire for protection? What does she need?
She wants to feel safe enough to experience a taste of danger, excitement and spontaneity.
She wants it all!