When I was creating an original Divorce Spread for myself a few months ago, I pulled one of my favorite cards in one of the bestest positions. The question I asked was ‘What did I carry into this partnership that I am leaving behind?”
3 of Swords. Necessary heartbreak. Beautiful ugly terrifying mandatory heartbreak.
Did the partnership do this to my heart? NO! I carried this bloody stabbed version of a heart into the partnership. This is how I was – to begin with. This was a snapshot of my heart before I even met this man, my ex husband. I came this way. And that’s a relief because I don’t BLAME him for making me this way. Strong, and suffering and gorgeous and wounded!
This is the sad, broken and painful yet radiant bravery that lead me to feel all my feelings, from all lifetimes. This is the true heart, the one that knows its reality.
But wait, who put those swords in there? I believe these swords were in my heart from previous lifetimes, that perhaps I was born with a heart like this. I can’t remember ever not having a heart like this. Until recently. No OTHER person DID this to me! My heart came broken and responded accordingly to the world. My greatest teachers allowed me to feel this feeling at the core of my being.
While laying on the table of a powerful Shamanic Energy Worker, I was lead to understand that there was energetic metal swords lodged in my body from previous lifetimes. I know, I know it sounds wacky. All I know is that the process of having those swords removed left me feeling less angry, less driven by addictions and less sad, over time. One sword removal session (not covered by insurance, WTF?) did more for me than lots of blah blah blah talk therapy (covered by insurance) ever did. I’m an experiential learner.
The swords (metaphorical, energetic, magical) were with me all along. And I am leaving them behind!!!! The former relationship is an old container where I can leave my swords.
I also call this card “Take it like a woman” because of the depth of the painful beauty of feeling the broken heart. I know that there are men who feel this intensity, but it reminded me of the pain of the birthing process – necessary and incredibly agonizing! I do know more women who have the courage to truly feel the feelings of heart break, but truthfully, its terrifying for all of us.
My former partner didn’t break my heart, he just got me to awaken to its original state of bloody awesomeness. My awareness of this helps to evaporate it’s hold on my subconscious.
Bye bye swords. May all of our hearts be healed.